MARS THE GENTLE KILLER (Part Six)

Copyright (c) 2022 Revised Edition by Unus Vocate.

BREAKING POINT

And so it came to pass that he went to dwell in the lush Farm Lands of Wisconsin. There, among the rolling green Hills and the fertile Valleys of this blessed place, it was done. His residence was constructed. Built upon a foundation of suffering, and consecrated in blood, coming up from the depths of his own emotional distress, there arose -- the Pantheon.

Rising boldly from the soil, with graceful lines swelling up towards the Sky, like a statement of natural geometry that was carved out of Aluminum, Glass, and Stainless Steel; the building stood proudly in its humble rustic setting.

In the center of the structure was the Dome. Standing seven meters tall and stretching seven meters across, the glass and steel frame work of the Dome enclosed an Inner Chamber that offered shelter to Mars' Soul. Here he could come to stand, child like, and experience anew the Joy of Discovery as he looked out into the depths of Space. Standing awash in the glow of the ageless Star Light, he could see beyond the Limits of Time, to marvel at the vastness and the majesty of his Living God.

"I Love You!"

He cried, as he stood under the Dome with his arms upraised and his fingers reaching out as if to take the whole Universe in a lovers embrace. "I see you in all of your impersonal ways, I accept you, and I am One with you."

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Like someone who had been held as a prisoner for many years and was now suddenly set free, he felt liberated by the Dome. And the brilliance of the light that shone from his face reflected the great satisfaction he knew in his heart when he was here, living in the shelter of the Pantheon.

The Pantheon was like a Sanctuary to him. A place where he could come to find some Peace and Contentment in this hectic World. But he could not afford the luxury of a non-functional (religious) building and this place was also his home and it had to accommodate his routine, everyday, needs.

In addition to the Inner Chamber there was an Office, an Armory, two Bedrooms, a Kitchen, a Utility Room, and two Hallways with adjoining Baths. These rooms were built, in complement, around the Inner Chamber, with a glass enclosed Outer Walk Way encompassing all of these rooms as it circled the building.

His Love of Nature was made evident thru out the design of this building and he had it built in such a way so as to enhance his appreciation of the Natural Environment and its most picturesque Vistas.

The Kitchen faced East and helped him begin the day with its hopeful greeting of the Sunrise while the Office faced West and let him end the work day by witnessing the quiet reflectiveness of the setting Sun. The Hallways also had their own special contributions to make to this interesting scenic arrangement in that one looked North towards the frozen wastes of the Arctic and its attendant display of the Northern Lights.

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While the other one was oriented in a more balmy direction as it pointed South and towards the warm glow of Winters low arching Sun. The two Hallways, were in alignment with double glass doors (that served as Exits / Entrances) in the Walkway, so there was an unobstructed view in each direction of the Compass.

Altho there was a pristine quality to this building which told much about the austerity that lived in Mars' soul; still it wasn't completely lacking in cheerfulness and it did have some embellishments that helped to moderate its somber tone.

Of particular interest was the Inner Chamber and the way it was decorated. The floor was tiled with a mosaic depiction of the Solar System; it had a dark blue background with a blazing yellow Sun at its center while the Planets and their respective Moons, were all shown in their appropriate orbits and colors thru out the rest of the floor.

Almost Tropical in its abundance of Plants and greenery, the room was sparely decorated with furniture; having only a few couches and chairs, with their accompanying end tables and lamps, encroaching on its open expanse. And there was plenty of room to encourage the feeling of spaciousness and light. As a finishing touch to this room, and adding further to its "Tropical Atmosphere" were the (imitation) Tiger, Leopard, Lion, and Jaguar skins that were hanging on the walls and which added a bit of the Wild to its otherwise domesticated decor. 106

Had circumstances been different, he could have shared his home with some special woman and together they could have lived out normal lives, and enjoyed the enduring pleasures a domestic life can bring. They could have raised children, worked a full and meaningful life time, grown old together and maybe contributed, in some small way, to the betterment of their Community. But as it was, the emptiness Susan had left behind could never be filled by any other and so he was alone on his Estate.

He had always felt an inclination for Solitude.

Perhaps it was because he was a sensitive person and most people were too aggressive for his tastes or maybe it was because he, himself, was just too independent spirited to make the personal compromises necessary for successful Social Relationships. In any event, the desire to be alone had always been strong within him and now that Susan had left him, he could accept his solitude with a passive resignation.

While he was alone, he didn't have to live in complete isolation however, for he did have the companionship of a Dog to keep him company.

As a matter of prudence and in addition to all of the fancy electronic Security Devices he had installed, he felt it would be best if he had a dog to help protect his property. And since he wanted a dog that would also be his friend, he chose a breed with a long history of loyalty and obedience. 107

The breed name is Rottweiler and they have been known; for the past 2,000 years; to be exceptionally ferocious guard dogs. He now purchased a male puppy of this breed and because of the unusual markings on its back (which looked somewhat like a Saddle), he named the dog "Saddles." Wanting to be kind to the dog, he let Saddles have a free run of the Estate; he could stay with Mars in their home or accompany him while he was outside, or as was more likely, he would be outside, running and playing on his own, in the woods near to the Pantheon.

He was a good dog and a faithful Companion. Mars felt lucky to have such a true Friend and someone who would keep him company while he was here, in the relative seclusion, and retirement, of his new home.

When he first moved into this property, he wanted to consecrate it in some way that would mark its inception as his home. And since Susan was an important part of his life, he thought he'd try to keep her memory alive by dedicating the Pantheon to her. So, as a ceremony of dedication, he had gotten a Rose Bush and then he took the Urn that contained Susans' Ashes and went out about five meters from the West Doors of his house. There, among the Pines and in the shelter of the Woodlands, he planted the bush and interred her Ashes. 108

While kneeling there on the ground, carefully mixing the ashes in the soil around and under the Rose bush, he thought of her, the one he still loved with all his heart.

"I remember when we first met, how tired you looked and how discouraged you seemed to be. Broken in Spirit and just barely clinging to the last shreds of your Self Respect, you were forced to live out on the streets without protection from the rain or cold, and totally at the mercy of an Indifferent Society. You had to search for your food in the garbage cans of the City and you were forced to sleep hidden away in abandoned buildings or under some bushes in the Park. You can be safe now and find shelter here in the privacy of the Forest. Here you can drink of the rain and take your nourishment directly from the Sun. No loner humbled, your ashes have been returned to the bosom of the Mother Earth and your Soul is now reunited with the unspoiled Essence of Creation. Strong beyond mere physical strength and with a beauty far surpassing all of the petty attributes of Selfish Vanity, as a part of the Body and the Living Substance of the Universe, here my darling, you will live again."

He planted the bush in a secluded nook of the Forest. Away from the beaten pathways of the woodlands and safely beyond the reach of any Trespasser who might happen bye but still within easy sight of his Office. 109

Where he could come, perhaps at Sunset, and watch the setting Sun wash over the land with its warm red glow while he reached out with his thoughts to lovingly touch the Roses and relive fond memories of her.

He was rightly proud of his grand house.

It was almost like a child to him and much like a proud parent, who takes pride in the virtues and accomplishments of his Offspring, he wanted to show off his creation. The first people he wanted to share it with were his Parents. In time he would also invite Frank, his best friend Nick, and the rest of the men to visit him and to see (what he considered to be) the architectural Art Work of his new home, but for now, he wanted to share it only with his Parents. He was thinking about calling them and inviting them to come down to visit for a while and since he thought they would agree, he had already decorated the Pantheon with a "Welcome Home -- Mom and Dad" sign he had put up above the East entrance of his home, and by putting up some colorful paper streamers, so as to give the place a Festive Atmosphere.

He was in a light hearted mood, happy and humming softly to himself, as he went about the pleasant busyness of putting the finishing touches on the decorations. Soon his Parents would be here, they would be reunited as a Family and they could all enjoy the benefits of living in this new, and luxurious house.

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While his mind was occupied with thoughts of the Better Days that were ahead, there came to him a Visitor, and an unwelcome intrusion upon his Privacy.

A Western Union Agent had come to deliver a message.

A Telegram.

It was just an innocent piece of paper with some ink stains stamped upon it. There couldn't be much harm in that, he thought as he looked down on the unopened envelope. It was just a Telegram and yet, he trembled as he held it in his hands. Tearing it open quickly, he read its contents and then, as its message became clear, the words blurred before his eyes and he felt his private sheltered world crumble to pieces all around him. His father had died of a heart attack during the night and his mother had wired, asking him to come home.

Home.

How that word brought back memories to him, cherished memories of pleasant childhood days when life was better and he had known the meaning of the word -- Happiness. As bright and clear as if they had happened only yesterday, those times stayed on in his mind and with all of those memories centering on his Home Life and the blessed togetherness of his Family. His mother and father, all of his brothers and sisters, the Hard Times that had bound them together and the Love that had made those hard times bearable ... how wonderful it had been. And oh how he wished he could live those days again. 111

He was hoping that maybe, just maybe, he was building a new home for his family, that his parents might come and live here, in the Pantheon, and then they might be able to recapture some of that old time feeling. But his mothers' Wire and its unguarded words and even his own feelings that were now brought to the surface by this tragedy, told him that his home was still there, where it had always been ... in the household of his parents.

He was devastated. In only an instant the protective shell of assertiveness he had worn since Susans' death, was shattered and his inner most feelings were exposed, once more, to the uncaring Reality of Death. He'd been trying so hard to put his life back together again and to live with the heart breaking loss of his dear Susan, and now he had yet another tragedy to cope with.

Damn It!

Embittered by his Fate, angry at Life, he took the Telegram into the kitchen, went over to the stove, lit the top burners and put it to the flames.

"I should've been there, to help him and protect him, I should've been there, but I just didn't care enough. I didn't love him enough to save him. And now he has died. Because of me -- it's all my Fault!" 112

He held the paper in the flames till the whole thing was burning and the flames were licking at his fingers. Then, as the flames ate up the last bit of paper, he impulsively stuck his hands in the fire.

He hated Life, he hated Death, but most of all he hated himself for having let his father die and for what he'd done to Susan.

He kept his hands in the fire till all thoughts were driven from his head and there was nothing left for him but the searing Reality of Pain. Till the pain was like a screaming madness tearing away at his consciousness and driving all lesser thoughts from his mind -- he kept his hands in the fire, Then, as he smelled the meat of his own hands burning, he couldn't take it any more and screaming out in agony, he collapsed to the floor.

Laying there, rocking back and froth, crying, holding his brunt throbbing hands close to his chest, reeling thru the waves of pain that were sweeping over his senses; his suffering was increased by another form of torment as he realized that the worst was yet to come. For beyond the agony of physical pain there was also the mental anguish of remorse and having to continue on with his life as if nothing bad had happened, as if everything were just fine! There wasn't anything good in this world, instead there was only pain and sadness. And he was supposed to accept it all as being a routine part of existence and to carry on with his troubled life.

"Carry on for what?" He wondered as he thought of the future. "More Suffering?"

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He was completely discouraged. Somewhere there is happiness, contentment and all of the other sentiments which give a redeeming value to our lives. Like in a dream he knew of such things, he'd seen them at the edge of his world, he'd approach and they would fade away to -- Nothing! Transparent and Mist Like, they were only Illusions. Something that was far, far away, in the distance and always beyond his reach.

Damn It All! And damn the pain in his hands! The pain was like an acid that had eaten up the skin on his hands and was now starting to devour his muscles.

Rolling over, he struggled to get to his knees. Then, forcing himself to stand, he was able to regain his footing. Using his pain hampered, clumsy hands as best he could to work, he made a Home Remedy (of Sugar dissolved in hot water), in which he soaked and tried to treat his burns. After having allowed his wounds a few minutes to absorb some of the Sugar, he rinsed them off and wrapped them in anti-septic bandages. Then, getting in his Porsche and driving, more with his arms than with his hands, he drove the short distance over to Madison where he entered the Twin Lakes Hospital for the treatment of his wounds.

What is the measure of a man? How do you judge the worth of a person? Is it by the amount of money he has made or by the number of materialistic possessions he has managed to accumulate? 114

For Mars, it was the personal things that mattered; a gentle touch, a fond embrace, the assurance of knowing there was someone who loved you, and would always be there whenever he was feeling discouraged or having a hard time. Even if it was only to offer a few words of encouragement, it was important for him to know, there was someone who cared.

Today, he had suffered an intense personal loss. An important part of his life had been taken from him; it now lay, locked up and sealed away from him, within the cold embrace of a Coffin. All of the love he and his father had known, their hopes for the future, all of the personal experiences they had shared together thru out the years; had all ended with his father's death. It was gone -- finished. And now, only the memories remained.

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What can you do when your Best just isn't good enough? When everything you touch turns to ashes and you have nothing to show for all of your efforts, other than a humiliating defeat? When there is no happiness to be found in this world, but still, you do continue to live? For Mars, there was only an inward reaching and self destructive Implosion of Thoughts and Emotions;

(Tear it down!

Till there's nothing left standing and you have to start out all over again-

Rip it all to shreds- Reject the old Assumptions-

Search inside yourself for New Answers-

Question Everything-

Turn away from the Past-

Tear it down!);

that led to an even greater detachment and withdrawal from Life and all of its problems. And that found its most telling confirmation in his callous attitude towards others.

For he would Kill and Kill again.

And in those Killings, in the desperate expression of his hostilities towards Life and the Ironies of Fate, he would try to find relief from the pain he felt living, almost as if it were an Alien Presence, trapped within his Soul.

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